What is Tantra

My understanding of sexual Tantra I call "Unimacy"("union"+"intimacy"). This is my theory.

UNIMACY-TANTRA THEORY

Making love is a direct expression of mystical magnetism between a man and a woman which gives beginning to life. Human touch is the only way for people to share rapture and enchantment of being a man or a woman which opens the door to a deeper meaning of unity between the two. Would you agree that if a man and a woman did not have this desire to touch each other it would be a very sad world, it would hold no inspiration? How many beautiful works of art have appeared during the centuries because of this desire to touch! Do you agree that there is no picture, no piece of music, no line of poetry which could create as powerful a sense of life as making love could ?

The purpose of tantric lovemaking is not to satisfy basic sexual instinct for pleasure. It is like a good diet promising you a long and healthy life when neither you nor your partner ever become ‘hungry for sex’ but consciously and constantly practice it. It would prevent a man or a woman from losing physical, emotional and sexual attraction for their partner, and it would be always a chance to restore it if they did lose.

Our emotions and our senses are part of the same circle

We can create beautiful emotions if we consciously make our thoughts kind and loving. Our bodies should treat each other with love, respect, care and gentleness. If we do this consciously especially in a situation of relationship difficulties, we can restore love by touch. We can stop any negative thoughts and release stress when relationships go wrong by consciously using tantric massage techniques. When we get to the habit of doing this regularly to each other, like having a bath, our bodies become sensual and responsive. It opens up the soul for giving and receiving love. Physical comfort and pleasure bring emotional comfort and pleasure, then gratitude, then love again. This is the way to maintain love through good and bad periods in relationship.

Sexual energy is the fuel of life

Sexual excitement is energy. We cannot deny it. We feel its heat and its power when we are healthy. When we are young it is difficult to control this energy. It is difficult to maintain when we get older.
When we feel this energy we experience being more alive, happy, inspired and energetic. When we feel this energy we naturally feel young. Do we want to feel young? If ‘yes’ we need to stimulate this energy, we need the knowledge of how to do this in a correct and healthy way. At the end of the day subconsciously we all fight for survival, it means that we want to feel young and healthy for as long as we can. Sexual energy is the most powerful stimulator of life. That’s why we are looking for Love, for being in Love, not in a friendship like way but in sexual way. We want to glow with desire. We do not realize that our sexual desire does not always depend on the object of our desire, at least not for long.

Male and female sense-desires circles are different

A man’s sensations while he thinks about lovemaking become concentrated in his genitalia but almost none in other parts of his body. A man’s desire for sex is overwhelming because when he approaches the woman’s body his body is very exited and longs for physical engagement as he tries to release the tension .
A woman’s sensations, while she thinks about lovemaking, are not so strong in her genitalia. She longs for cuddles, kisses and comfort because she is more tuned into her whole body. A woman’s desire for sex is less at the beginning. Her body does not need physical engagement but the opposite. Her body needs a sense of peace and security.
Men and women need to bring their sense-desires to the same level. Only then can they move to the higher waves of sexual excitement, as a union.



Sex is love

Human need for sex is not just an instinct for survival. It is the same as a baby’s need for a ‘mother’s cuddle’. If the baby is left without this for a day or two he becomes very unhappy. If for a longer time – he may even die. We as adults become nervous, stressed, angry or ill without our ‘mother’s cuddle’. We become even worse when we exploit genitalia for simple relief of our sexual tension. Very often we create such pressure by pure physical actions remembering sweet feelings of relief, so-called orgasm. Then we may feel shame because it was not as beautiful as a ‘mother’s cuddle’. And we almost always feel tired after we have reached this type of orgasm.
‘Mother’s cuddle’ is natural, innocent and generous. In this case physical actions are a result of our desire to unite, to become whole and one, to protect, to comfort, to wonder, to become free, to be open to kindness and care. We become capable of giving the same freedom and space to our partner. When we experience need for ‘mother’s cuddle’ an image of genitalia does not appear in our mind. Our mind is occupied by the beauty of our partner: his/her eyes, lips, smile, hair, voice and our sweet feelings of his/her presence. We are pure innocence and gentleness.
When we have an image of genitalia in our mind this leads to simple animal instinct. Most tantric schools recommend the exercise of watching genitalia in the mirror (women especially). I think that most of us are not interested in learning about the anatomy of our guts to enjoy the taste of food. Sex is similar. When a woman is ashamed of exposing her genitalia it is healthy. When making love we start to feel our genitalia, this means that we have lost sense of wholeness, love, contact with our partner. It means that we shrink our sensations to this little sector of our body. Tantric lovemaking is spiritual practice. We become spirit of love which is beyond our body. Body become unnoticeable, light and soft like a cloud. Clouds can not have a stable forms, every second they change their shapes. The body could feel the same transformation into the energy ‘cloud’. Sensations of love and pleasure are subject to the special touch - touch with love, like a loving mother touches her baby. Often we close our eyes when we touch each other because our eyes are the direct way to our analytical brain. Sensations and analysis are opposites. But if we open our eyes and look in the eyes of your partner we can find ourselves drown deeper into the spirit of love and connection with each other.
So when thinking about sex we need to think about love, about gentle and caring communication of two bodies to bring two different sense-desires circles to the same level of experience of the ‘mother’s cuddle’.

The body is clever

The body has “its own mind” which wants only one thing: to feel comfort and pleasure. Often we do not listen to this “mind” but to “somebody else’s mind”: pornographic images, propaganda about what sex should be like (Kama Sutra, sex manuals…), what other people do (tantricas, dominatrics…), what the sex industry offers (underwear, toys…). This way we tire our body and the body of our partner. We call this experimental, creative, innovative, trying to save our sex life from boredom and routine. At the end we find ourselves frustrated and desperate in this hunt for pleasure and even more apart from our partner than before.
We must learn to trust our body and our senses. We must learn to listen to our partner’s body and his/her senses. We must stop thinking that sex should be actions and stop following “fashion” and “foreign ideas” about sex. Our sex life is unique like our home. Even if our home is not fashionable it is still our home. Everything we need for happiness we can only find within ourselves.


Sex is rest, rejuvenation, simplicity and peace

Sex as love is easy, it does not need special physical actions. It needs special moods, special emotions of your soul we can all consciously create. It is the same as when we create images of good holidays in beautiful places. If we constantly create the best feelings about our partner as a person (but not pictures of his/her body) we will create love and nurture love from year to year. I call it spirit-to-spirit love. This is what spiritual love is. Ageing of bodies would not alter it. Touching each other’s bodies in sexual act of love would be felt as if both partners were as young and beautiful as ever. Sexual energy rises because of these loving emotions towards our partner, not because of observing the pure physical. Spirit-to-spirit love would make our partner truly attractive for us physically at any age because we see him/her not by our eyes, but by our soul and by our physical touch.
Love is freedom. Love only has one desire – to be together, to be close, to be one whole undivided union. It does not matter how. It is a field of creativity that exists when both partners feel free in each moment of expressing their emotion of love in a way they both feel comfortable with. Love is trust and trust cannot be forced.

Soul-body touch is the main element of tantric lovemaking

We need to develop a special soul-body touch to make each other feel comfortable and safe. This touch is like a cozy home, a soft warm bath, a mild gentle sun on our skin. It seems easy. But unfortunately people do not realize how much tension they absorb in the body from everyday life. So when it comes to touch they transfer all this tension to each other. Their hands are rough, and rushing, their bodies are stiff and heavy, their lips and tongues are cold and formal…This all comes from the brain which is agitated from sexual desire (typically for men) or which is created by boredom or fear (typically for women). Both need to learn to concentrate on lovemaking. It will not come itself! Both need to make the effort at the beginning, like the effort to cook a nice meal (they know what pleasure awaits after the preparation process, the pleasure of eating!). Soul-body touch, like a slow gentle heat, will always “cook a nice meal”, sweet waves through the bodies, bringing two bodies to overall orgasmic vibrations, sense of love.

Orgasmic vibrations and orgasmic waves instead of tense orgasm

Orgasmic vibrations or orgasmic waves could last for a long time. This way men and women exchange their energies and begin to experience the same peaks at the same time which makes them feel grateful, ecstatically happy and in deep connection and love with each other. These peaks are not as powerful as a peak when lovers create a lot of excitement in the area of genitalia. So these peaks would keep both partners relaxed (there should not be expectation of noisy activities), it would look as lovers are asleep or dreaming. Everything would be happening inside them. The less disturbance from outside world the better. Even moaning which is considered as an element of excitement encouraging for partners as ‘feed-back’ eventually would despair.
Tense orgasm lasts a short time and one partner always leaves the other ‘behind’. This is a wasted effort and energy.

Tantric love is extended love to everything and everybody

Feel and know your partner well! It does not require the spoken word. It is the opposite. The less you speak the better. Making love is body-soul communication. The deeper meditation you achieve during lovemaking the better. Becoming meditative you feel physically close to another person as though you were dissolved in his/her body and soul. You would feel every slightest change in his/her senses and moods. The special vision of him/her would be open to you and would make your soul sensitive and attentive to every act of life around you. You would start to see things you had not noticed before. Tantric lovemaking gives you a sense of love to everything and everybody, not only in the moment of lovemaking but afterwards as well. You really become incredibly kind and generous, you will feel that your life is not wasted, you would want to give, to help others.

Self-balancing, learning the control of sexual energy

Self-stimulation can be a great help to keep the right balance of sexual energy in the body and also to discover new horizons of your own senses. It may be that you would not make love with your partner for some time. Or you could be single for some time. Practicing with
yourself alone is healthy. You need the knowledge of how to do this correctly.

Tantric lovemaking is art

Create a constant beauty around you in every day life, be tantric and bring this into your lovemaking. For example: play romantic music, make the home cozy, make a bedroom magical, listen to the rain, read poetry, kiss hands (man to woman, woman to man)… Become an unique artist of lovemaking, free, inspirational, positive and enchanting!